you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
