she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
