sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
