Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
