what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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