I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
