Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
you inspire me to be a worse person
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Randomize
