He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize