That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize