If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
