I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
