Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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