why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
