she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
