You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
