chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I need moral support for this bender
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
