Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
