You're my little dorito
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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