I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
