Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
