turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
