i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
