And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
