ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
