Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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