I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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