I'm pants shitting drunk right now
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
