Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
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It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
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can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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