i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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