He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
