I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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