my phone needs a breathalizer
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
