and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
