ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
