So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
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Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
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My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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