You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
