dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
