sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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