so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
