i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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