the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
