did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
