she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
