After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
