I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
