The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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