a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
