Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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