her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
