How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Randomize
