Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
either way he was missing a nipple.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
