i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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