My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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