if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
God I need to hump something, right now.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
