he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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