I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
