i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
