when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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