VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
