im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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