Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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