I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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