I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
