yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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