Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
