Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Holy sore nipples Batman
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
