Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
