i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
