I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
i now understand why vodka
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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