Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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