i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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