6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i now understand why vodka
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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