People in love make me want to vomit
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
