Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
