theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
