Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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