My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
