If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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