Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Randomize
