Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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