Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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