that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
