you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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