just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
