I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
